How We Are Helping Our Children Deal with My Breast Cancer

When we first found out that I had breast cancer, we knew we wanted to keep open communication with our children. We wanted them to feel comfortable in asking us questions and in expressing how they were feeling about it. And while we didn't want to keep it from them, we also have chosen to shield them a bit from the big wild world of cancer. We don't feel that they need to know all of the possible side effects of the treatment I am receiving. We will deal with those as they come along.

As soon as we told the kids they knew that cancer was something that you can die from. (Thanks to my prolific readers and the children's book series the Penderwicks.) We reassured them that I will be receiving the medicine that I need to help give me the best chance of beating the disease. We also have relied heavily on our faith and sharing that this is God's plan with them. That God is in control and will be with us every step of the way. That they can take all of their thoughts and cares to their loving Savior in prayer. Having a Christian community surrounding and supporting our entire family has been such a blessing for us all. Knowing that their teachers and classmates can reassure them with God's promises in his word provides such comfort.

We have also chosen to enroll our oldest three kids in C.L.I.M.B. It is a wonderful program that they attend one evening a week with other children whose lives are being impacted by cancer. They have learned about chemo, radiation, and even seen cancer cells under a microscope. Each week they discuss a feeling and will do activities surrounding those feelings. They have all enjoyed the sessions they have attended and are looking forward to the remaining C.L.I.M.B. evenings.

Around my first chemo session we enlisted the kids' help in making hand washing signs to post around the house. These signs are really reminders for them, but because they helped, it gave them a sense of ownership. We have also added a few chores to their to-do lists. And because they are being asked to help out a bit more around the house, they are now receiving an allowance in proportion to the chores they complete.

I would also say that while this is a big part of our lives right now, we are choosing not to let it be the main focus. We are keeping life as normal as we possibly can.
So many wonderful people have stepped up to help us out with our kids. I am often reminded of the phrase, "it takes a village." Right now is a time in our lives where we need some extra help and support and our village has stepped up in a big way. I can totally see the hand of God in all of the people helping us, praying for us, and encouraging us on this journey.

The Big C . . . How I Found Out About My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

I don't think that I ever pictured myself in this situation. A 40 year old wife and mother of four with a breast cancer diagnosis. I am generally not one to worry too much about my health. In fact, we joke in my family that I am "the healthy" one. Up until recently my health history was very easy to give. Before I turned 40 I went in for an annual physical and was told that unless anything came up, I wouldn't need to be seen again for a year or even two. My primary did say that she would order a mammogram when I did turn 40. I didn't even go in for that mammogram immediately, but it was on the back of my mind. A simple task that I wanted to get crossed off of my mental to-do list. I finally got around to scheduling the mammogram the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Matt had taken off of work, the kids didn't have school, so it would be a good day to go to the clinic right away in the morning and get it done.
I went into the appointment without much worry. I had been told in the past that I had dense and cystic breasts, so I figured I might get a call back to have more imaging done. The mammogram appointment was simple. The tech told me that since it was before a holiday I most likely wouldn't hear back on anything until Monday. She also mentioned that they often have you come back in for further imaging.
That afternoon I received a call from a nurse at the main campus of the hospital. The radiologist had already read my mammogram and did indeed want 3D imaging. Could I come down that day? Still unconcerned I headed in for my second mammogram of my life in the same day. That mammogram lead to ultrasound imaging of some suspicious spots. It wasn't until they informed me that there was a spot that was concerning enough for biopsy that some worry began to creep in. This might be more than the cystic area I had dealt with in the past.
The next morning we celebrated Thanksgiving by going to church and driving to Matt's extended family's Thanksgiving. We spent the next several days at my in-law's house. While the upcoming biopsy was on my mind, I didn't want to make a big deal out of what could turn out to be nothing. The Wednesday after my mammographies I went in for the core needle biopsy, where a radiologist uses an ultrasound to take samples of the suspicious areas.
By this point I had read the radiologist reports and knew that I had a speculated mass in my right breast as well as several lymph nodes that were concerning. Somehow I knew that these two things did not bode well for me. However, I also have to say I felt an overwhelming sense of calm during and after the biopsy. Yes, there were tears of uncertainty and fear, but I knew that no matter what the report was, God would be there with me. This was his path for me. I can only attribute this feeling to God. There is no earthly explanation for the peace that was coming over me.
Before the biopsy I had an appointment with a wonderful general surgeon who explained what the biopsy would entail and what we could expect if the findings were malignant, cancer. I feel so blessed to have been given that particular surgeon for the start of my cancer journey. She is a young mother of two who showed me such compassion and care. The Monday after the biopsy, Matt and I went into another appointment with the surgeon to go over the results. The dreaded C word, cancer, was now a part of my medical history. I was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. The tumor and the lymph nodes were affected. I also learned that the tumor was estrogen and progesterone responsive. As she laid out the plan for my treatment, it became apparent that we were hitting the ground running. As Matt mentioned in the appointment it was "go time."
We left the exam room and headed straight to the scheduler with a list of orders. The scheduler was to get me into all of my upcoming appointments as quickly as she could. I would have a breast MRI, I would have a PET/CT scan, I would meet with a genetic counselor, followed by an oncology appointment and surgery to implant a port for chemo. It was a whirlwind of appointments. I received the good news that they believed the cancer to be localized in my right breast and the sentinel lymph nodes on that side. We learned the chemo therapy regimen that would be prescribed, which included 8 sessions of chemo every two weeks before surgery and radiation.
And then we got a reprieve. The oncologist didn't see any  reason to start chemo before Christmas. What a blessing those two weeks were. I was able to focus on being with my family over Christmas, not on the cancer. And the busy weeks filled with Christmas celebrations and preparations were just what I needed as a distraction for what was to come. I was able to relish in that sweet, newborn baby's birth who would one day die to save me from my sins and the pain and trouble of this world. We had a wonderful Christmas with our family and extended families focusing on the joys of the Christmas season.