How We Are Helping Our Children Deal with My Breast Cancer

When we first found out that I had breast cancer, we knew we wanted to keep open communication with our children. We wanted them to feel comfortable in asking us questions and in expressing how they were feeling about it. And while we didn't want to keep it from them, we also have chosen to shield them a bit from the big wild world of cancer. We don't feel that they need to know all of the possible side effects of the treatment I am receiving. We will deal with those as they come along.

As soon as we told the kids they knew that cancer was something that you can die from. (Thanks to my prolific readers and the children's book series the Penderwicks.) We reassured them that I will be receiving the medicine that I need to help give me the best chance of beating the disease. We also have relied heavily on our faith and sharing that this is God's plan with them. That God is in control and will be with us every step of the way. That they can take all of their thoughts and cares to their loving Savior in prayer. Having a Christian community surrounding and supporting our entire family has been such a blessing for us all. Knowing that their teachers and classmates can reassure them with God's promises in his word provides such comfort.

We have also chosen to enroll our oldest three kids in C.L.I.M.B. It is a wonderful program that they attend one evening a week with other children whose lives are being impacted by cancer. They have learned about chemo, radiation, and even seen cancer cells under a microscope. Each week they discuss a feeling and will do activities surrounding those feelings. They have all enjoyed the sessions they have attended and are looking forward to the remaining C.L.I.M.B. evenings.

Around my first chemo session we enlisted the kids' help in making hand washing signs to post around the house. These signs are really reminders for them, but because they helped, it gave them a sense of ownership. We have also added a few chores to their to-do lists. And because they are being asked to help out a bit more around the house, they are now receiving an allowance in proportion to the chores they complete.

I would also say that while this is a big part of our lives right now, we are choosing not to let it be the main focus. We are keeping life as normal as we possibly can.
So many wonderful people have stepped up to help us out with our kids. I am often reminded of the phrase, "it takes a village." Right now is a time in our lives where we need some extra help and support and our village has stepped up in a big way. I can totally see the hand of God in all of the people helping us, praying for us, and encouraging us on this journey.

Losing My Hair from Chemo

I took one last picture before it really started to come out.

 Losing your hair is a given for many being treated with chemo. Sure, there are a few rare patients who don't lose their hair, but I was told before treatment that one of the drugs I would be given was a sure route to a bald head.
I was expecting to start losing my hair after round two, but it actually started a few days earlier. I would run my hands through my hair and come away with more strands than usual. The next day I could pull larger amounts out. At first it was a bit fascinating, but it did get a bit gross after few days. Lots of hair all over, especially in the shower. We decided at that point it was time to buzz it short. We set up in the bathroom and Matt got out the hair clippers. The kids all looked on as I got my cancer haircut. Even though I felt like I had already lost a lot, I still had a way to go. Over the next few days fewer and fewer hairs remained on my head. Now, a week after round two, I have just a light fuzz remaining.

Post chemo hair cut

When I was first diagnosed I thought that losing my hair would be traumatic. I knew that once it went I would carry around a sure sign to all that I was sick and in treatment. Thankfully, the actual process has been less emotional for me than I had thought. It was almost a relief to get that point and face it.
At times I wear a buff head wrap or a hat while at home, but often I will just go bare headed. It is a bit of a family joke how my head looks. When I was a baby I had fine blonde hair that often stood up around my head. I feel like I have reverted back to that first hair style.

Rocking the buff. (Can you see the fuzz peeking over the top?)

As the hair lose occurred I was reminded of this Bible passage:

Matthew 10:29-31

29 “Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin?[a] Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without the knowledge and consent of your Father. 30 And even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows."

My loving heavenly Father knew the exact number of hairs I would lose. He even knew the exact moment they would begin to fall out. And if he is in control over all of those minor details, he is also in control of the major ones. I am his child and he cares so much for me. (And you!)

Second Round of Chemo

Last week Wednesday I went in for my second round of chemo treatment. My sister from California had flown in the night before and was able to come with me and keep me company. (And bonus, she gets to stay for 2 weeks! We are all being spoiled by having Auntie Ya around. She is providing a great buffer for me and Miss 3 as she has another virus with a fever.)

All of the results from my blood draw looked great that morning. Before each round I get my labs drawn to look at things like my white blood cell count and my platelet count along with many other numbers that I know nothing about. All of these can be negatively affected by the treatment, so they want to make sure that I am able to receive treatment and don't need any other augmentation. I am so grateful that my body seems to be handling the chemo very well.
I also received the results of my genetic testing which was looking at the 12 known markers for breast cancer. More great news! I tested negative on all 12! At this time, this would indicate that I will receive a lumpectomy following chemo instead of a double mastectomy. Wonderful news!
The treatment went much the same as round one. All of the meds were delivered in about 2 hours through my port. And then home we went.

We chilled at home for a few hours and then I coerced my California blooded sister to join me in a winter walk. It felt good to be in the fresh outdoor air, even if our legs started tingling. That evening I wasn't feeling all that great, which had me a bit worried for how hard this round would hit me. Thankfully, that night I slept well, in part thanks to a new sleeping med prescription I had received that day, and felt much better in the morning. I still felt a bit rough for the next few days, but by Sunday was feeling much more myself. Such a blessing to be able to bounce back as quickly as I have.
One of the major side-effects is that my hair is 90% gone. I will write a separate post on that, but it started right before the second round and quickly finished up a few days following it.

Chemo Therapy Round One

Christmas was wonderful, but I was anxious to get home and finally get started on treating this cancer growing in my body. That seemed like an odd feeling to be having. I could see dread or fear, but I just wanted to stop thinking about it and start acting on it. Matt and I left the kids at his parents' house with his mom and dad and sister so we could focus on getting treatment started.
We were able to enjoy a meal out together and a quiet night in before we had our mandatory chemotherapy education class the following day. So many questions were answered in that nurse led class. We brought home yet another folder of information and were able to tour the cancer center where I would be receiving treatment. We learned that my sessions would last around 2 hours following blood work and an appointment with the oncologist.

I would go in the next morning and start my day full of appointments that would eventually end with my first round of chemo. I started my day with a baseline echo cardiogram to ensure my heart could handle the powerful chemo drugs. I then had my port accessed for blood work and after the labs were in I met with my oncologist. The echo and labs looked good and I was all set to start. My nurse from the education class the day before ended up being my chemo nurse for the day. It was so nice to have a familiar face to start my treatment with.
I had my treatment chair turned toward the window so that I could look out and enjoy the beautiful and bright winter view. I got all cozy with a warm blanket and settled in with Matt in my treatment area for a second set of ears and support. (A note on warm blankets: If you are ever going through any tests or treatments and they offer you a warm blanket, the answer is always yes! Being wrapped in a warm blanket feels so comforting. The nervous shakes are soothed and you just feel cared for.) As the various concoctions were delivered via my port the nurse went over lots of information on each drug with us. I was able to read from my e-reader and also ordered lunch. My cancer center offers a meal if your treatment is over a certain length of time. I knew it would be important to keep my protein levels up and wanted to make sure I had some food in my system to help absorb all of the chemicals going in, so I took advantage of the meal.

After a little over 2 hours in the treatment area, we were done. That was it. I did leave with a medical device that would give me a shot to stimulate my white blood cell production a little after 24 hours from completing of chemo. When we got home we decided to go for a walk. You are encouraged to stay as active as possible while receiving treatment. It is good to keep your body moving and also gets those drugs moving through your system. It felt good to be out in the fresh air!

We returned home and rang in the new year early with our own devices on the couch. (Even in good health, Matt and I are not big party animals, so this seemed the perfect ending to our year.) The days following treatment I felt a bit whoozy, but otherwise okay. The fourth day was my worst for nausea and just feeling crummy. Since the kids were still gone, I just took it east and puttered around the house. (In fact the kids were supposed to come back, but one of them had a fever, and we just didn't want to risk infecting me, so they stayed a few extra days at grandma and grandpa's.)
Thankfully after day four I felt better and better everyday, with the exception of picking up a cold. By Monday I felt normal in the best possible way. I am really trying to limit my exposure to germs with my depleted immune system. The flu season is nasty this year and there are plenty of other yucky things going around out there. I am living like a hermit. Groceries are being ordered and delivered to my house or car. I am getting even better at ordering things on line as well. I have streamed a Sunday worship service the last two weeks. I miss seeing people and being out and about, but it just isn't worth getting sick.

The Big C . . . How I Found Out About My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

I don't think that I ever pictured myself in this situation. A 40 year old wife and mother of four with a breast cancer diagnosis. I am generally not one to worry too much about my health. In fact, we joke in my family that I am "the healthy" one. Up until recently my health history was very easy to give. Before I turned 40 I went in for an annual physical and was told that unless anything came up, I wouldn't need to be seen again for a year or even two. My primary did say that she would order a mammogram when I did turn 40. I didn't even go in for that mammogram immediately, but it was on the back of my mind. A simple task that I wanted to get crossed off of my mental to-do list. I finally got around to scheduling the mammogram the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Matt had taken off of work, the kids didn't have school, so it would be a good day to go to the clinic right away in the morning and get it done.
I went into the appointment without much worry. I had been told in the past that I had dense and cystic breasts, so I figured I might get a call back to have more imaging done. The mammogram appointment was simple. The tech told me that since it was before a holiday I most likely wouldn't hear back on anything until Monday. She also mentioned that they often have you come back in for further imaging.
That afternoon I received a call from a nurse at the main campus of the hospital. The radiologist had already read my mammogram and did indeed want 3D imaging. Could I come down that day? Still unconcerned I headed in for my second mammogram of my life in the same day. That mammogram lead to ultrasound imaging of some suspicious spots. It wasn't until they informed me that there was a spot that was concerning enough for biopsy that some worry began to creep in. This might be more than the cystic area I had dealt with in the past.
The next morning we celebrated Thanksgiving by going to church and driving to Matt's extended family's Thanksgiving. We spent the next several days at my in-law's house. While the upcoming biopsy was on my mind, I didn't want to make a big deal out of what could turn out to be nothing. The Wednesday after my mammographies I went in for the core needle biopsy, where a radiologist uses an ultrasound to take samples of the suspicious areas.
By this point I had read the radiologist reports and knew that I had a speculated mass in my right breast as well as several lymph nodes that were concerning. Somehow I knew that these two things did not bode well for me. However, I also have to say I felt an overwhelming sense of calm during and after the biopsy. Yes, there were tears of uncertainty and fear, but I knew that no matter what the report was, God would be there with me. This was his path for me. I can only attribute this feeling to God. There is no earthly explanation for the peace that was coming over me.
Before the biopsy I had an appointment with a wonderful general surgeon who explained what the biopsy would entail and what we could expect if the findings were malignant, cancer. I feel so blessed to have been given that particular surgeon for the start of my cancer journey. She is a young mother of two who showed me such compassion and care. The Monday after the biopsy, Matt and I went into another appointment with the surgeon to go over the results. The dreaded C word, cancer, was now a part of my medical history. I was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. The tumor and the lymph nodes were affected. I also learned that the tumor was estrogen and progesterone responsive. As she laid out the plan for my treatment, it became apparent that we were hitting the ground running. As Matt mentioned in the appointment it was "go time."
We left the exam room and headed straight to the scheduler with a list of orders. The scheduler was to get me into all of my upcoming appointments as quickly as she could. I would have a breast MRI, I would have a PET/CT scan, I would meet with a genetic counselor, followed by an oncology appointment and surgery to implant a port for chemo. It was a whirlwind of appointments. I received the good news that they believed the cancer to be localized in my right breast and the sentinel lymph nodes on that side. We learned the chemo therapy regimen that would be prescribed, which included 8 sessions of chemo every two weeks before surgery and radiation.
And then we got a reprieve. The oncologist didn't see any  reason to start chemo before Christmas. What a blessing those two weeks were. I was able to focus on being with my family over Christmas, not on the cancer. And the busy weeks filled with Christmas celebrations and preparations were just what I needed as a distraction for what was to come. I was able to relish in that sweet, newborn baby's birth who would one day die to save me from my sins and the pain and trouble of this world. We had a wonderful Christmas with our family and extended families focusing on the joys of the Christmas season.

Mom Life: The Best Laid Plans

I had so much that I planned on doing and getting done last week. And then half of us got the stomach flu and that pretty much filled our entire week. Thankfully only half of us got it and we all made it through, but wow! Our house still shows that I didn't get much done in the housekeeping department for many days.

 (Well, I did have a constant stream of gross laundry that was being processed. And I did thoroughly de-germify the entire house, so there is that. Oh and also, lots and lots of snuggles. Why are snuggles never on our to-do list? and did we ever make use of our Netflix!!)

So here it is a new week and we all seem to be healthy. I should really hit the ground running today, but I slept in and now that the big girls are off to school, I am typing this and planning on enjoying my second cup of coffee. 

Ah, the mom life. Here's hoping that I find my motivation in one of the piles around the house and get at it

Sweetie at 9 Months

This little lady has had a developmental explosion the last month. She started really getting her army crawl on right after she turned 8 months. Then she would get up on her hands and knees, but not really go anywhere on them. Over the last two weeks she has started to hands and knees crawl. And now most recently she is pulling herself up. It has been crazy. The Mister was gone for an overnight trip and she had mastered pulling up while he was gone.

As demonstrated by these pictures, she rarely holds still!! Diaper changes are tricky for sure!!

We also just made the big switch to having her sleep in a crib in Shortcake's room. While I wouldn't have minded keeping her in the bassinet in our room for a bit longer, her movement made me worry about her safety in there anymore. Also, we are trying to get her to sleep a bit longer at night and we thought that not being right in with us might help. So far she is doing okay in the crib. The first night she rocked it in there and I was hoping that would do the trick, but since then she is up a few times a night. I am trying to be good about not bringing her in our bed when she wakes up at night. While that is super easy, it probably is time to wean her out of that habit.

At her nine month appointment she weighed in at 20# and is inches long. She has been doing really well with the solid foods. She really likes to eat.

Even though she is number four, I am still amazed at God's design for the human body and growth! She is still a little sweetheart. Super content and chill most of the time. (Although she is good about letting us know when she is sad. Just look at that face!!) She is such a great fit for our family!!